One of the hardest things about growing up is understanding how and why we lose friends. Some may be from our childhood or maybe you just met them a few years back. Whichever it is, it's complex and unique and hard to comprehend.
Last week I received a text message from what I thought was a good friend of mine. It read something like, "Hey. Just wanted to let you know that you have been a bad friend. You never call or text or message online and barely respond to my messages when I do.... I know you're busy, but too busy to have friends, that sucks... Take care."
So... how did I react to this text message? I set my phone down, made a pot of coffee and got back to work. Why didn't I react more? Or text her back right away pleading my case and asking for her forgiveness? Well, to put it simply, I didn't have the time.
Think I just proved her point? Let me explain my side.
- I'm a Mom of three kids under 10. That is three full-time jobs in itself.
- I'm a wife and homemaker. Another full-time job.
- I also have a full-time job with a real-life company. This means I have set hours that I have to work. Sorry, I'm no longer available to hang out at 11am on a Wednesday.
- I plan to use what little free time I do have to hang out with my family, read a book, and maybe take a shower without hearing the ABC's sung on a loop.
- Her message was loud and clear. It's time to focus what "friendship energy" I do have into those that are like-minded, driven, supportive, and happy to see me.
Why am I telling you all of this? Well, because as much as I'm saying that it's okay that we're no longer friends, it still hurts. We still had three years of relationship, our kids were friends, etc. It does not feel good getting a text message that flat out says "you've been a bad friend".
So... how did I react to this feeling? I got mad. Then I sat and thought about her side. It was time we parted ways. Our lives had grown in different directions, priorities had changed, and experiences had been had. We simply outgrew one another.
I'll leave you with this: It's okay to lose friends as we get older. Sure, it's sad sometimes, others not so much... but it's normal and it happens to all of us. WHEN it does, use it as an opportunity to expand your horizons, embrace new experiences, welcome new energy, and meet new people.
